I have recently (as in, over the past three days) gained the immense fear that I have not given the right amount of time to the people I consider special to me. I think back over the past twenty-four years and marvel at all of the incredible people I have had the pleasure of knowing. Some of those individuals will likely never know to what extent they have impacted me. I don't know if that is because some divine intervention separated us before I had the insight to their importance or if I just didn't take the opportunity to adequately thank them for all that they had done for me. Either way, this concept is frightening.
I met a woman on the plane from Ft. Lauderdale to Las Vegas. She was seated across from me and one row up, but I could see that she was wearing a dress that I will forever covet and, what's more, she was reading 'Eat, Pray, Love.' Anyone who loves that book and what it stands for is a friend of mine. (And anyone who knows me at all knows that I can talk to ANYONE, ANYWHERE.) Well, I struck up conversation with her regarding where she was at in the book, as I was traveling with my copy as well. We chatted about how fantastically written it is, with so much voice and color, and resumed our journey into Elizabeth Gilbert's literary adventures. Every few chapters, I would poke her and see how she was doing. She gloried at the fact that the story was so relatable, almost an 'every woman's' story. After exchanging contact information, I bid her adieu and welcomed her to Sin City. I now have a pen-pal in the least likely of places and I couldn't be more excited to have yet one more person to share my life with.
I suppose my point in sharing that story is that I want her to know how important it was to me that I met her that day. I plan on sending her an email saying just that, in hopes that she reads it and smiles. And perhaps, on a day that she is feeling a little bit down and out, she'll remember that she impacted me and that she will always have a friend in the girl from the plane.
The friends that I have are so intensely important to me. My best friend from sixth grade, a girl that I have had a turbulent relationship with in the past, but love with all of my heart. Through it all, we have been able to remember that connection, which has been strong enough to overcome miles between us (both literally and figuratively). There have been days, sometimes months, that I questioned if we'd make it out of our arguments, but I never once pondered over the absolute and complete love that we have for each other.
My best friend 'Pants,' whom I met in a church in Southern Utah. We bonded over the name of a dog and the name of an island. I don't talk to her everyday, sometimes I don't talk to her for months, but I absolutely LOVE her. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I could pick up the phone right this second and if I needed her, she'd be there for me... Perhaps even HERE for me. She's known to drop it all for people she loves, something that I adore and admire about her. She is objective and personal. She is completely phenomenal. Phenomenal woman, that's her.
Heath Ledger. No, not the actual Heath Ledger. Just a look-alike. She is super-human. She is the picture of resilience. She is a mother, a daughter, a sister, a student, a hard worker, a VW driver, a HOME OWNER (and she's only 23!!), and a friend. An amazing friend. A friend that I can turn to with the pettiest of situations and she will set aside time to listen to me as though I were confessing that I am actually an alien being (which, let's face it, I sometimes feel like..). She listens to me deeply and completely and never implies that I am being ridiculous, even when I know that that's the case.
My beast friend, my Homie. Over ten years of an unbreakable bond behind us and the trials just keep on coming. We have been through everything together and she knows secrets about me and my heart that I've only told my dog. The funny thing about best friends is that they see you for who you really are, but love you anyway. That summarizes us perfectly. Never any judgement, only someone to canoodle when the whole world seems to be falling down around us. And more than that, a smiling face and obnoxious laugh to share all of the good times with.
My six foot tall, Carson the Happy Hippo loving, red-stiletto wearing, coke slurpee enthusiast. She is constantly putting things into perspective for me. The little things in life that she appreciates end up being perpetual reminders that I need to, in all things, be grateful and rejoice. Easily one of the funniest people I've ever met, I can only hope that one day our Peruvian dreams will become a reality.
My beach bumming, popcorn and ice cream loving, Gilmore Girls addicted prior roommate. The best adventure partner that a girl could ask for. With moments notice, she'd never hesitate to climb a mountain or pick death berries with me. She led me to God. She supported me, literally held me up, through my journey to my ocean baptism. One day, we will be sister missionaries, riding on a pink scooter with a side car, singing at the tops of our lungs. She's also an incredible 'sock slider.' Give her a 10x10 foot room with bare hardwood floors and she'll put Tom Cruise in Risky Business to shame.
My CDub. I feel horrible, but I was probably in the WORST place of my life while forming my relationship with her. But steadfast and strong, she stood by me. One of the worst days of my life thus far was made a little bit better at the knowledge that I wouldn't be home alone as night fell.
My BossLady. Carrot Cake Day was made our own personal holiday. On my journey to find God, I stumbled upon the best job I've ever had. Her unyielding support and love impacted me in ways that I will never be able to adequately thank her for. I thank Him for hand picking my friend for me. I know that it is because of His will that she will be a lifelong friend of mine.
An animal-loving, IUD-child bearing, intensely creative, photographer friend who I've not spent more than 24 hours around in my whole life. She is the balm to my wounds. In an email that she wrote to me over three years ago, she pulled me out of one of the most terrible places I have ever been. If she didn't know that before, I pray that she reads this at some point and knows that I am alive, and thriving, because of her words.. Not just her words, but the intention I knew came with them. She loves me without even knowing me. And I love her for that.
My 'sister.' No.. My SISTER. In every way except for blood (and sometimes I even question if we aren't actually blood related as we look more alike one another than we do our own biological sisters!) she is my sister. My soul sister. (Enter Train song here.) I need her in ways that I have never needed anyone before. When situations in our lives posed problems and we were temporarily separated (again, literally and metaphorically) it was easily the worst eight months of my life. We've not known each other long, only five years, but the five most character forming years of each of our lives. I don't know who I'd be, where I'd be without her.
My mothers.. I have been adopted by some amazing women. But mostly my mother. My heart aches after two days without talking to her. She has been out at our family cabin for the summer and we've spoken a total of seven times in the past month and a half. Needless to say, it's been the longest summer of my life. I feel like the only time I truly know who I am is when I am with my mother. Easily the bravest and strongest person that I know, she has instilled in me some of my most favorite qualities about myself.
The Betty's, an unlikely group of friends to which I will forever be the fifth wheel.. But hey, five wheels have to be more sturdy than four, right? It's what I will continue telling myself until proven otherwise. The 'ita nighters... Margaritas, fajitas and senoritas. Even though it may seem like all fun and games, I cherish the one or two nights a year that I get to spend with this gaggle of girls. I laugh harder in those few hours than I generally do in months.
I cannot express, in words or otherwise, how incredibly thankful I am to have such amazing friends. Especially my female friends.. I'm seeing a pattern here.. I am blessed. Truly and completely.
I cannot help though, to look back at the relationships that I have had with certain people and wonder... Was I just a footnote? Or was I important enough to be a chapter? If given the opportunity, I could write pages about each person in this flutter of thoughts. And of the people who weren't named, I'm sorry. It doesn't make you any less important to me.
I travel constantly so to see the people I love. I don't make much money, but the money I make is spent on plane tickets and frozen yogurt. Sometimes, though it may sound selfish, I feel like I am not as important to everyone else as they are to me. I realize that everybody has a life outside of their relationships with me. Some of my dear friends have children and husbands and careers and mortgages. I don't have those things. My life, my single and alone life, doesn't cost much money to live, thus I probably can afford to traipse about more freely than others. However, it doesn't make me feel any less unimportant sometimes. Home should come to me once in awhile. Be that Alaska, California, Utah, Washington or anywhere else.
I am going to try and do better to make sure that the people who I love know that I love them. I am going to tell them, show them.. Do what I can to ensure that they are a chapter, or many chapters in most cases, in the story of my life.
